Dear Future Sister In Law...

There are so many things I want to say to you.  Like, thank you.  Thank you for loving my brother unconditionally and making him the man he is today.  Thank you for letting him be weird, and play video games, and annoy the shit out of you.  Thank you for giving your heart to him.  Thank you for sticking by his side as he grows and matures and learns and fails and succeeds.

But, more than that, thank you for becoming my sister.  I know I am not yet great at being a sister.  I didn't have one growing up.  My baby brother was nearly seven years younger than me and then I married a man who had a younger brother, too.  Brothers is what I knew.  Then I met you.   And you prepared me for having daughters.  And now I have two of them.  And Lord help me because I sure don't know the tricks of sisterhood.  But I am learning. From you. You are teaching me so many things, not only about being a sister, but being a better mom to raising sisters, too. Thank you.   

What you have taught me is to share.  To share attention, to share ideas, to share a womanly bond that I only knew with my best friends.  But, my best friends didn't have to share my family.  I got my family to myself.  I am learning how to share my mom with you.  How to share family gatherings and vacations and special events. I am learning how to not be jealous, to not compare, or not be unsure of myself around a sister. Asking myself, "Am I good enough?" But when I look past my insecurities, I am learning that by having you, I am getting the sister I longed for growing up. I am going to gain so many wonderful memories with you.  With you and my brother. With you and my brother and the family you create together. Thinking of the vacations and Christmases and birthdays we will do together with our families makes my heart smile. I can't wait to love on my nieces and nephews you give me in the future. 


You are quite an amazing person.  You are strong and smart and confident and beautiful. If I could pick any role model for my girls, it would be someone like you.  My girls love you so incredibly much.  You may be their favorite person in the whole world.  I can't express to you how grateful I am to you for loving them they way you do.  You may not understand it yet, but you are leaving a lasting impression in their hearts.  You are everything to them. Harper Belle idolizes you. You will forever be special to them.  Thank you for making them feel the way you do.  


So even though I may sometimes struggle in some areas during this process of gaining a sister, I am whole heartedly so grateful for you.  And will always be here for you.  For anything you may need.  Like when my brother is play fighting too hard or is pecking you like a chicken or is calling you with his foot phone.  I will be here. (And maybe silently judge you for marrying such a sweet, little idiot)     

I will make mistakes as I learn how to continue growing in this new sisterhood.  Be patient with me. But know from deep down in my heart, I love you.  I respect you.  I can't wait for our relationship to continue to grow and our bond to deepen. And I think you are a wonderful addition to our family. I couldn't have picked a better sister to have.  

My brother is the lucky one is this relationship. 
Your future together is going to be a beautiful one.
I love you, sister. 

 

Enjoy Each Season

It's been awhile. 

It's amazing how much time you think you have, but don't.  Or often how much time you do have, but don't use wisely. Which is my case.

I've found myself lately wishing for what I don't have, instead of being grateful for what I do.  I don't mean to do it.  It just happens. Which leads me to my latest motto that I am reminding myself daily...

ENJOY EACH SEASON. 

Winter, Spring, Summer, Fall.

Babies, Toddler, Children, Adults. 

Sleepless Nights, Crying, Nursing, Rocking Babies. 

Crawling, Walking, Talking, Running. 

School, Reading, Playing, Arguing. 

Growing, Growing, Growing, Growing. 

My babies are growing.  And I need to enjoy each season they are in.  I need to enjoy the right now. 

Why is it that when we are in the season of life that we are in currently, we look forward to the next step? I can't wait until she can feed herself.  I can't wait until she can buckle herself in.  I can't wait until she can read the book by herself.  I can't wait until I can just go out to dinner without kids. 

And then it comes. And then it goes.  And then I am left sobbing alone at night (husbands working night shifts cause a whole lot of emotional mind games) when I check on my "babies" and I remember that they are not "babies" anymore.  I don't want to wish that time away.  I don't want to go back either, I am excited to watch them grow, but I just want to enjoy now.  

Right now. 

I want to enjoy a messy house with kids running around everywhere.  I want to enjoy my kidless friends passive aggressively commenting on why there are crumbs constantly on my floor.  I want to enjoy a couch with sand on it because my daughter, still, day after day, won't take of her shoes outside to empty them. I want to enjoy dirty faces and silly screams at the dinner table.  I want to enjoy popsicles in the bathtub. I want to enjoy 30 minute play dates before bedtime. I want to enjoy being ridiculously tired at the end of every day and so incredibly overwhelmed by my children that I want to strangle them and at the same time snuggle them and never, ever let them go. 

Parenting. It's bittersweet.  It's really hard. And it's a crazy journey.  And it's the life we were given.  And I want to enjoy my season. 

My season. 

Of being a mom to two little girls. Of being a wife. A police wife. And a friend. And a daughter. And a sister. And a teacher.

 Of making mistakes and learning from them. Of watching my girls make mistakes and learn from them, too.   

Because I am wise enough to know, that when this particular season is over, which it will be in a blink of an eye, I am going to miss this season tremendously.  I am going to want it back.  I am going to know I am one season closer to having that clean house with no toys laying around everywhere.  With that all white Pottery Barn couch that I will buy one day. With no crumbs or sand on my floor. With no middle of the night crying that turn into snuggles.  With no kiddie belly laughs.  With no counting down the hours until bedtime and then finding the urge to wake them up 30 minutes later because you miss them. 

And I am not quite ready for that new season.

I am going to enjoy this season I was given. I am going to try not to compare my season of life to someone else's season of life. I may forget some days and I may need reminders here and there, but my next season will come when it's ready.  When I am ready.  When my family is ready. Until then, it's oreos, popcorn, coke, and a movie with my squad watching the latest Disney movie.

  

What's so bad about that season, right?